A Few Words About Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn

The pop star enters a new era.

Swift and Alwyn at the Golden Globes in January 2020. (Christopher Polk/NBC)

Where were you when you heard the news that Taylor Swift had broken up with her boyfriend of six years, the guy who inspired “Lover” and even co-wrote several of her recent songs?

I am assuming that you care. If you do not, I get it! I still don’t know who Tom Sandoval is! For those equally surprised by the Swift/Alwyn breakup: I was folding laundry (glamorous) on Saturday afternoon when my phone dinged with notifications and texts. Nooooooooooooo, I thought. Alwyn, a low-profile English actor best known for dating Taylor Swift, seemed especially good for her. They rarely appeared together in public — Swift had apparently learned lessons from the overexposure of the Tom Hiddleston media frenzy, and rather than parade her longest-term relationship in the public eye, she kept Alwyn backstage, out of the limelight. He was seemingly cool with that. Unlike her exes Taylor Lautner, Jake Gyllenhaal, Harry Styles and John Mayer, he can walk down the street without being noticed. Alwyn’s relative invisibility ensured that Swift superfans never got a clear picture of his personality — a win for the increasingly inaccessible Swift. He firmly guarded their privacy and refused to discuss his famous girlfriend in interviews. As a result, she probably made more headlines for releasing a 10-minute version of “All Too Well” — the saga of Gyllenhaal and the scarf she left at his sister’s house — than she ever really did with Alwyn.

"I think that in knowing him and being in the relationship I am in now, I have definitely made decisions that have made my life feel more like a real life and less like just a storyline to be commented on in tabloids,” Swift told Paul McCartney in a conversation for Rolling Stone circa 2020. “Whether that's deciding where to live, who to hang out with, when to not take a picture — the idea of privacy feels so strange to try to explain, but it's really just trying to find bits of normalcy."

A tangent: In May 2021, when John Mulaney and his then-wife, artist Anna Marie Tendler, announced their divorce after six years together, Mulaney’s fans took the split extremely personally. Several months afterward, the beloved comedian revealed that he and his new partner, actress Olivia Munn, were expecting a child. Meanwhile, a traumatized Tendler posted stunningly gorgeous, deeply sad self-portraits on social media that documented her broken heart. Suddenly, Mulaney devotees defected to Tendler, empathizing with her grief. Around this time, the word “parasocial” spread on Twitter, with Team Mulaney scolding Team Tendler for what they viewed as an unhealthy, one-sided, embarrassing attachment to a celebrity marriage. Hmmmmm. Aren’t those the same folks who quote Oh, Hello on the regular? Who fork over $300 for a ticket to see his stand-up in multiple cities? (Highway robbery!) Look, in some cases, if you spot it, you got it. While we cannot ever know what happened with Mulaney and Tendler, he did put his wife in his act, inviting us into their lives. It was entirely normal to feel bummed that their marriage ended. (It is also normal to feel happy for Mulaney’s new life as a dad!)

The demise of Swift and Alwyn is not nearly as dramatic — according to reports, the two grew apart and called it quits on amicable terms. "Taylor and Joe are in totally different places in their lives right now," a source told Entertainment Tonight’s Sophie Schillaci. "It was more of Taylor's decision to break up, but both of them realized that they weren't completely right for one another. They had been together for such a long time and were spending so much time together, but their personalities were just too different. Joe is more introverted, shy and quiet." 

As if to signal “I’m doing just fine!,” Swift was spotted at dinner with her longtime producer, Jack Antonoff, and his fiancée, Margaret Qualley. She wore a black, off-the-shoulder top, cool Mom Jeans with bejeweled butterfly embroidery, and a bold, red lip. Not seen: A cat eye sharp enough to kill a man.

No one’s defecting to Team Alwyn. But for parasocial Swifties who parse their idol’s lyrics for hidden clues into her personal life, who might have paid god-knows-how-much-money for a coveted seat at her Eras Tour, the separation casts a pall. Swift, like Mulaney, put her partner in her act. She sang about Alwyn liking her for her — despite her damaged reputation — on “Delicate,” and devoted many songs to him, from “Cornelia Street” and “London Boy” on Lover to “Peace” and “Invisible String” on Folklore (my favorite Swift era) to “Mastermind” on her latest album, Midnights. He was also her collaborator. Under the pseudonym “William Bowery,” Alwyn co-wrote “exile,” “betty” and “Sweet Nothing,” on which Swift salutes her companion for keeping her humble in a dog-eat-dog world. The song boasts some of their best collective poetry:

Industry disruptors and soul deconstructors
And smooth-talking hucksters out glad-handing each other
And the voices that implore, "You should be doing more"
To you, I can admit that I'm just too soft for all of it

Welp. (Gets me misty every time.) In late March, Swift changed the setlist during her tour stop in Arlington, Texas, swapping “Invisible String” for “The 1,” a wistful breakup song that I imagined her singing to Lautner, werewolf of Twilight fame. Now I’m picturing Alwyn. Online sleuths have speculated that the former couple was secretly engaged, but I half-believe that. I am also skeptical about the tipster who told DeuxMoi that Swift is dating someone “Older and a bit more lowkey.” Excuse me. Who is more low-key than Joe Alwyn?

Not John Mayer, who dated and discarded Swift when she was 19 years old, and he was in his thirties. He was a chart-topping singer-songwriter during the 2000s and wrote catchy radio hits that were lyrically a lot less clever than he was in real life. Once I interviewed him at Cosmo’s “Fun Fearless Male Awards” (yes, that was a thing) and asked who his celebrity crush was, the most 2007 question ever. “Tina Fey,” he answered, winking at me. I recall feeling pleasantly surprised (I worshipped Tina!) yet annoyed (he quickly read me and is saying exactly what he thinks I want to hear — ugh!). Look up “rogue” in the dictionary and there you should find Mayer, a silver-tongued, smooth-talking womanizer who treated Jessica Simpson like garbage and thought he was the smartest person in the room … until he met Swift, a superior version of him and more cunning too. He was very funny and nice to look at, so she succumbed to his charms despite the warnings. Eventually, she got her revenge on “Dear John” and “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve,” crooning in the former “I'm shining like fireworks over your sad, empty town” and the latter “I regret you all the time.” (Ouch.)

Soon after Swift’s Eras ignited a stampede, breaking Ticketmaster, Mayer declared he was hitting the road on a solo acoustic tour in 2023. (No, I’m not going, but I must admit that I dug Sob Rock. And Continuum. Let us never speak of “Daughters.”) I find his timing rather odd — perhaps a way of competing with her. A part of me is like, Dueling tours. Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince Past His Prime. The enemies-to-lovers rom-com we need right now. (Why am I like this?) But alas, that ship has long sailed. She is out of his league, in another stratosphere altogether. Today the questions are: Will Alwyn, who gamely played Swift’s muse, wind up the inspiration for her next album? (Yes, duh.) Will Swift play the field or quickly move on to a new love? (Uncertain.) As my friend Kristin tells me in her unfiltered, Gen X way, “She’s super-rich. She should just hook up with as many guys as possible.” That would make her “The Man,” no?

Special shout-outs this Monday to:

*The Roy siblings. You are in my thoughts.

*The Tennessee Three. You are my heroes.

In the meantime I’m still reading … my own book. (Copy edits are due Friday.) No Crying In Baseball is available for preorder — many, many thanks if you’ve ordered a copy already. Your support truly means the world! Warmly, EC.